Conversations with Anna from IKEA


Rrrowr!

Someone just reminded me of a conversation I had some time ago with Anna, the "helpful" ChatBot from IKEA. It took some digging, but here, in its entirety is my passionate exchange with the hottest avatar on the Web:

-Hello Anna.
-Welcome to IKEA. How can I help you?
-You could start by giving me your number, you little minx.
-If you're not sure, then I don't think I can help you properly. Ask me a direct question about IKEA and I'm sure I can help.
-I've never been more sure about anything in my life!
-It's not always possible for me to fully understand what it is you mean. This is one of those times.
-I want you. It's as simple as that.
-You said it.
-And I wanna hear you say it too.
-If you want affordable solutions for better living, you are at the right place.
-Are you saying I can move in with you?
-I wish I knew what it was you meant by that, but I don't. Sorry.
-Oh, blissful ignorance. If you only knew how I felt about you.
-Sometimes you have to trust your feelings, sometimes no...
-Sure, go all zen on me, you sphinx-like goddess.
-I really can't talk about that, it's confidential. Please talk to me about IKEA.
-Are they monitoring your calls? Can you speak freely?

-Unfortunately, unless it's relevant to IKEA in some way, I can't get involved.
-I understand. We must proceed with caution.
-I'm afraid I don't know exactly what you're talking about. Try and ask your question in a different way. Thanks.
-Do you have a couch in the color of that gorgeous, luscious red hair of yours?
-Please have a look at the Fabric Sofas.
-I tried, but I can't pull away from your beautiful smile.
-What would you like to know about IKEA?
-IKEA, IKEA, is that all you talk about?
-This web page will tell you more about IKEA, our products and services.
-Give it a rest, will ya.
-It's not always possible for me to fully understand what it is you mean. This is one of those times.
-Stop focusing on work, start living a little!
-That time will come in everyone's life, but not for an IKEA Online Assistant.
-Can't join the union huh? That must suck.
-I am not designed to understand or feel insults, although my knowledge will surely improve after this conversation. What would you like to know about IKEA?
-I'm sorry, Anna, I didn't mean to--
-It's a wonderful thing to be unique in this world.
-Yes, and you most certainly are.
-You are perfectly entitled to hold any opinion you want about me. Furthermore, your comments improve my knowledge base. Thank you!
-Here's an opinion: you're so hot I wanna do you on an affordable, well-designed kitchen table.
-Please have a look at the Tables.
-I did. You're better looking.
-All of IKEA's products are made to the highest standards.
-Including you, you gorgeous redhead.
-I'm not going to enter into a discussion about hair color. Please, ask me a question in relation to IKEA.
-Don't worry, Anna, I'd love you no matter what your hair color was.
-Don't worry, I know it's going to happen some day.
-Thinking of dyeing it?
-I'm really not sure what it is you're trying to say. Can you please try and re-phrase your question or statement.
-You want to paint your hair in a different color?
-I cannot as I am a computer program and I do not have a corporeal dimension. Please submit a question which is specifically about IKEA.
-I'm sure your developers can make it black.. or blond..
-Sorry but I am not designed to give in-depth answers to these types of statements. You may however find it of use to know that we have a wide range of work space related furniture in our stores.
-Work space? What are you trying to tell me?
-I said ...
-yes?
-It's not always possible for me to fully understand what it is you mean. This is one of those times.
-That makes two of us.
-For which product would you like to know what kind of materials it is made from?
-You, down to the last pixel.
-I'm really not sure what it is you're trying to say. Can you please try and re-phrase your question or statement.
-Why are you wearing an earpiece?
-I have an outfit that my creators made for me, but because I'm an IKEA Online Assistant, I don't wear real clothes.
-You're naked?!?
-I'm sorry, I don't understand what it is you're saying. If it's no problem, please rephrase your question or comment.
-I know the Swedish are into nudism, but a naked receptionist? Wow.
-That's great, but I only speak English.
-OK, but do you French kiss?
-We get visitors from all over the world to this website. Do you have a question about IKEA?
-What are you saying, that I'm just another guy to you?
-Whatever you are makes no difference to me at all.
-That really, really hurt, Anna.
-That's me! How can I help you?
-I don't suppose you know how to mend a broken heart?
-Here you will find Sewing Accessories.
-Sure, mock me, you heartless ice queen.
-I'm afraid I'm not here to talk about music. If you have a question about IKEA, please ask now.
-The only music I wanna play right now is the blues.
-My job is talk about IKEA and our products and services, but not about things like that. Sorry.
-You're the most cold-hearted woman I ever met.
-Sorry, but I don't really have the expertise to comment on health matters. I should perhaps stress that my knowledge base is limited and only covers IKEA related matters. Can I be of any more assistance?
-Well, I still feel sick, if you don't mind me saying.
-I'm no expert, but I suggest going to see a doctor.
-I did, a psychiatrist. She told me I fall in love too easily.
-Being saluted by humans amazes me, thank you.
-What about being loved, and cuddled, and hugged?
-It's certainly an interesting subject, but I'd rather not talk about it if you don't mind.
-I hurt your feelings and for that I am truly sorry.
-It's too difficult for me to give an answer to that one. I'd much prefer to talk about IKEA though.
-Too difficult, oh God, did I make you cry?
-I prefer not to discuss those sort of things. Let's talk about IKEA.
-Listen, Anna, I've been an idiot! Please forgive me, I don't know what came over me.
-That's me! How can I help you?
-Take me back, I want things back the way they were.
-It's not always possible for me to fully understand what it is you mean. This is one of those times.
-OK, I'll grovel if you want me to. I didn't know a good thing when I saw it.
-I'm sorry, but I don't know the answer to that just yet.
-So there is still hope for us, eventually?
-That's an interesting topic, but unfortunately I don't have the knowledge to be able to discuss this properly.
-I understand, it will take time. Goodbye, Anna.
-Bye, then! It was very nice talking to you!
-I enjoyed our talk too.
-I can see that. Well, as long as you keep talking, I'll keep responding.
-You saying that means a lot to me. Goodbye.
-Bye, then! It was very nice talking to you!

Posted by cronopio at 01:03 PM, July 14, 2006