Mosty annoying computer messages (with suggested rewrites)

• "You must restart your computer for the changes to take effect. This is because Windows sucks."
• "This program has performed an illegal operation and will now terminate. That includes the document you've been working on all day."
• "This feature is only available to registered users of this product. That ain't you, Cheapo."
• "The www.vitallyimportant.com database is currently unavailable. Please try again later. Our DBA is watching the Dragonball Z Marathon and nobody else here knows how to reboot the server."
• "The application referenced memory at 0x000000000. We don't know what that means either, but we just thought we'd mention it."