Blurbs for blurbless books: the Phone Directory

I love the word 'blurb'. It sounds like a cross between an onomatopoeia for vomiting and a monster from a 50s sci-fi Z-movie. But no, it's merely the promotional text found on a book jacket.
Some books don't have blurbs, presumably because they are beyond the need for praise. What would blurbs for such books look like? Here's one:

The Phone Directory
This mammoth reference work is now in its 128th edition, and still going strong as ever. An indispensable tome for private and corporate readers alike, it's where you go to find someone... to find anyone! Set in a readable yet dense typeface, The Phone Directory offers hundreds of thousands of phone numbers, conveniently sorted by surname. Address information helps you distinguish one J. Jones from another. All you need now is a telephone (landline or mobile, either will do!) and make contact.
But wait! Your name can be in this book, which is distributed in 5,000,000 copies across the country! Simply request a telephone connection and we will make sure that your name, address and phone number appear in the next edition of... The Phone Directory!