If journalists were humans

Anchorwoman: We're going live now to our reporter Michelle Gonzalez in Santa Maria, where the long-expected verdict in the Michael Jackson trial has been announced. Michelle?
Reporter: Well Jackie, the verdict is out and it's not guilty. Back to the studio.
Anchorwoman: Erm.. excuse me?
Reporter (to crew): OK kids, let's pack it up. Good work, everybody.
Anchorwoman: Um, Michelle, can you hear me?
Reporter: Finally I can-- yes I can hear you Jackie, what is it?
Anchorwoman: You said it's not guilty.
Reporter: That's right, not guilty on all counts.
Anchorwoman: So what does that mean?
Reporter: What do you mean, 'what does that mean'? It means he's a free man, he's not going to jail, he walks!
Anchorwoman: But, I mean, do you have any reactions from Michael Jackson's fans, how do they feel?
Reporter: Well they're devastated and appalled.
Anchorwoman: Appalled?
Reporter: Of course not you stupid cow, they're going crazy! Because you see (maybe I didn't say this clearly enough) Michael Jackson is NOT GUILTY!
Anchorwoman: Er...
Reporter: Sheesh! How many times do I have to say it? Not guilty, in-no-cent!
Anchorwoman: We-well, it's been quite a trial, wouldn't you say so.. Michelle?
Reporter:Indeed I would, Jackie. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna take a bath.
Anchorwoman: But what about the jurors?
Reporter: What about the jurors?
Anchorwoman: Will they be making a statement?
Reporter: Who cares? It's not like they're gonna say, 'Oops, we actually voted guilty but we made a mistake!'
Anchorwoman: A-and Michael Jackson himself and his defense attorneys, will we be hearing from them?
Reporter: Why?
Anchorwoman: "Why?"
Reporter: Yes, what would you expect them to say, 'Well, that was a lucky break!' or 'We're appealing' or something? What could they possibly have to say? The guy's free!
Anchorwoman: But I--
Reporter: Listen. I've been standing outside this stupid courthouse reporting on this stupid trial for four months now. FOUR. FUCKING. MONTHS. And it was all just to hear this verdict. Well, I have it right here Jackie: "NOT GUILTY!" Once again, that's "NOT GUILTY!" ALLRIGHT?
Anchorwoman: Thank you for that report, Michelle.
Reporter: Any time, Jackie.

Posted by cronopio at 01:10 PM, June 14, 2005