War Delayed

The impending war in Iraq is held up by faulty equipment. The standard issue US Army Moral Compasses, supplied by the government, have been going haywire for the last few months. Mechanics are still investigating the source of the malfunction. 'This is a major problem', says General B. Goode of the 117th Infantry Reserves. 'With a faulty moral compass, the troops are in disarray and their morale is low. What's more, the risk of US soldiers committing war crimes increases exponentially. It's simply too risky to send our forces out to war like this.' The White House declined to comment.