100 words - Boy's Toys

Browsing through a mail-order catalog, I came across the vibrators. Fifteen years ago, the catalog politely called them “massage sticks”, showing the thing held near a woman’s cheek. Yeah, right. These days, they have unambiguous descriptions.
Also listed was something called “oral stimulator –for him”. (No photo.) Somehow I don’t think it’s gonna sell well. Not just because no self-respecting man would admit to needing one (after all, plenty of men don’t respect themselves at all), but because of the comment: “Really sucks!”
Let’s improve that, ok?
“Sucks at ten different settings!”
“You won’t believe how much it sucks!”
Hmm.